I'm starting to think about the person I am, and why I fail to make a lasting impression on people.
I hate not feeling included especially when I think the reason is because I have children.
I think people hold my past actions against me, and can't forgive, forget, and move on.
November 8, 2012
November 2, 2012
Discontent
I wish I was liked. I wish I were enough. I wish I wasn't pressured to change. I wish I was appreciated.
July 7, 2012
30 Things: #7
What is your dream job and why?
This is easy.
Event planning.
I love the purpose planning an event give me. I love making sure all the details count. I love the chaos. I love decorating and working with different colors and themes. I love everything about it.
Yesterday I was helping decorate for my cousin's wedding. For the reception she had asked me to make a couple of banners. We decided on a vintage triangle banner, and I can't tell you how amazing they turned out. As I was hanging one of these banners on the wall, my uncle commented on how my ability, and paid me the highest compliment of being the next best wedding helper since my Aunt Deana.
The best part of event planning: the joy of seeing a vision come together.
This is easy.
Event planning.
I love the purpose planning an event give me. I love making sure all the details count. I love the chaos. I love decorating and working with different colors and themes. I love everything about it.
Yesterday I was helping decorate for my cousin's wedding. For the reception she had asked me to make a couple of banners. We decided on a vintage triangle banner, and I can't tell you how amazing they turned out. As I was hanging one of these banners on the wall, my uncle commented on how my ability, and paid me the highest compliment of being the next best wedding helper since my Aunt Deana.
The best part of event planning: the joy of seeing a vision come together.
July 1, 2012
30 Things: #6
What is the hardest thing you've get experienced?
Hands down, one of the hardest, and worst, experiences of my life was dealing with my parents divorce. It is true what they say, divorce is especially hard on the kids no matter the age. Looking back on it, though, the actual divorce was the easy part. The hard part was the events leading up to the inevitable and the events following. My parents divorced are much better than my parents married. I realized that then, and I realize it even more so now. My mom was not the perfect wife. Being caught in the middle of her shenanigans was excruciating. Being almost 19 I understood what was going on, and even though I didn't like it what could I say to my mother? My dad became distant, understandably so. That left me to deal with the broken pieces that were left behind. I had to not only carry my own burden, but also those of my younger siblings.
I'm still dealing with the after math of my parents divorce. Not only did i have to deal with my parents crumbling relationship, but now I've had to watch them both get divorced a second time, and see them accelerate relationships to the point of no return.
Being the oldest of 4 siblings sucks.
And I'm pretty sure this post made no sense.
Hands down, one of the hardest, and worst, experiences of my life was dealing with my parents divorce. It is true what they say, divorce is especially hard on the kids no matter the age. Looking back on it, though, the actual divorce was the easy part. The hard part was the events leading up to the inevitable and the events following. My parents divorced are much better than my parents married. I realized that then, and I realize it even more so now. My mom was not the perfect wife. Being caught in the middle of her shenanigans was excruciating. Being almost 19 I understood what was going on, and even though I didn't like it what could I say to my mother? My dad became distant, understandably so. That left me to deal with the broken pieces that were left behind. I had to not only carry my own burden, but also those of my younger siblings.
I'm still dealing with the after math of my parents divorce. Not only did i have to deal with my parents crumbling relationship, but now I've had to watch them both get divorced a second time, and see them accelerate relationships to the point of no return.
Being the oldest of 4 siblings sucks.
And I'm pretty sure this post made no sense.
June 17, 2012
30 Things: #5
What are 5 things that make you the most happy right now?
#1 - My husband had to be the first on this list. His love for me, and our children, gives me such joy. I am married to my best friend, and am thankful for him, and all that he does, every day. I get complete satisfaction from being his wife. I wholeheartedly submit to him, and serving him with my love, affection, and talents makes me extremely happy.
#2 - Naturally, my children come next on this list. I was made to be a mommy, and even though it's not always the easiest job, it's definitely the most rewarding. I'm very lucky that my husband provides for our family so that I am able to stay home to love, nurture, and teach our children. It has been a joy to watch Claire develop into the beautiful little lady she is, and to really see her blossoming and succeeding at everything in her life. Samuel is the happiest little baby and is always full of smiles for his momma. He already loves his sister very much... You can tell by the way he interacts with her. I'm definitely trying to soak it all in as I know they grow up fast.
#3 - Because I am able to stay home full time I have developed a love for cooking and baking. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the satisfaction of a good meal on my family's faces.
#4 - Among some of the hobbies I've picked up since becoming a housewife is scrapbooking. Since Samuel has been born I haven't had much time to sit down and work on any projects. However, I had a few thank you cards to send out for birthday gifts. I made a stash of cards before Samuel was born so all I had to do was fill them out and send them. It made me happy to be sending out a little piece of something I made into the world. That sounds so silly, but I hope people are blessed by my work.
#5 - I'm an avid reader. Getting lost in a book is one of my favorite things to do. I'm happiest when I get involved in a new book or series. I love to read especially when I'm nursing Samuel. Or after both kids are asleep and I have a moment to myself.
#1 - My husband had to be the first on this list. His love for me, and our children, gives me such joy. I am married to my best friend, and am thankful for him, and all that he does, every day. I get complete satisfaction from being his wife. I wholeheartedly submit to him, and serving him with my love, affection, and talents makes me extremely happy.
#2 - Naturally, my children come next on this list. I was made to be a mommy, and even though it's not always the easiest job, it's definitely the most rewarding. I'm very lucky that my husband provides for our family so that I am able to stay home to love, nurture, and teach our children. It has been a joy to watch Claire develop into the beautiful little lady she is, and to really see her blossoming and succeeding at everything in her life. Samuel is the happiest little baby and is always full of smiles for his momma. He already loves his sister very much... You can tell by the way he interacts with her. I'm definitely trying to soak it all in as I know they grow up fast.
#3 - Because I am able to stay home full time I have developed a love for cooking and baking. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the satisfaction of a good meal on my family's faces.
#4 - Among some of the hobbies I've picked up since becoming a housewife is scrapbooking. Since Samuel has been born I haven't had much time to sit down and work on any projects. However, I had a few thank you cards to send out for birthday gifts. I made a stash of cards before Samuel was born so all I had to do was fill them out and send them. It made me happy to be sending out a little piece of something I made into the world. That sounds so silly, but I hope people are blessed by my work.
#5 - I'm an avid reader. Getting lost in a book is one of my favorite things to do. I'm happiest when I get involved in a new book or series. I love to read especially when I'm nursing Samuel. Or after both kids are asleep and I have a moment to myself.
June 14, 2012
30 Things: #4
List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
I've had to spend a few days thinking about this one...
#1: Maintain a good reputation. You want everyone to remember you for all your good qualities especially later in life. It sucks being remembered a certain way when you're not like that at all.
#2: Be honest. Not only with yourself, but with your friends, teachers, and acquaintances. It will get you far.
#3: Calm down. You're way too obnoxious. This pushes people away, and only worsens your reputation and what people think of you.
#4: Pick your friends carefully. Stay away from a certain group of girls. You'd know who I was talking about. I guarantee your effort would pay off with better influences.
#5: Guys do not need to be involved in your life. Stick with your morals and just concentrate on you.
#6: Take Honors classes and really push yourself in your studies.
#7: Stop skipping French class.
#8: Push yourself harder when it comes to your singing. Suck up your pride and put yourself out there.
#9: Appreciate your freedom and youth. You'll never get that back again.
#10: Love yourself. Seven years and two kids later you'll wish you had the body you had in highschool, and learning to love yourself later in life is hard.
I've had to spend a few days thinking about this one...
#1: Maintain a good reputation. You want everyone to remember you for all your good qualities especially later in life. It sucks being remembered a certain way when you're not like that at all.
#2: Be honest. Not only with yourself, but with your friends, teachers, and acquaintances. It will get you far.
#3: Calm down. You're way too obnoxious. This pushes people away, and only worsens your reputation and what people think of you.
#4: Pick your friends carefully. Stay away from a certain group of girls. You'd know who I was talking about. I guarantee your effort would pay off with better influences.
#5: Guys do not need to be involved in your life. Stick with your morals and just concentrate on you.
#6: Take Honors classes and really push yourself in your studies.
#7: Stop skipping French class.
#8: Push yourself harder when it comes to your singing. Suck up your pride and put yourself out there.
#9: Appreciate your freedom and youth. You'll never get that back again.
#10: Love yourself. Seven years and two kids later you'll wish you had the body you had in highschool, and learning to love yourself later in life is hard.
June 8, 2012
30 Things: #3
Describe your relationship with your parents.
Oh jeez.
To make things easier I won't go into a whole lot of detail because then we'd be here all day and I have stuff to do. Here we go...
My mom: I've always been relatively close with both of my parents, but growing up I was closer with my mom. I think that attributes to the fact that for most of my life she was a stay-at-home mom and the parent I spent the most time around. Growing up she was an amazing mom. We always had clean clothes to wear, homemade dinner every night, and all the love we could want.
The line shifted, though, the summer I turned 14. To make a long story short my parents separated that summer, and the time my mom spent over at the house she spent sleeping the day away. My parents eventually worked things out, but the summer I turned 19 she moved to Michigan and my parents ended their marriage of almost 20 years. I didn't talk to her for a year. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child and due in August, she made sure to move back to Kansas before I had the baby. Since she has moved back our relationship has grown leaps and bounds. Even though we have a painful past she has asked for forgiveness and I have chosen to forgive her. That doesn't mean what she did didn't hurt me or my siblings, but she has been making up for lost time, and she knows how bad she hurt us. She doesn't try to cover it up, and even though it might be painful to bring up and talk about, we do. We can now look back and realize that they weren't her greatest moments, but the moments we have with her now are helping to heal our wounds.
I talk to my mom just about every day. If I have a question about something she's usually the first person I call to ask, and I value her opinion greatly. With her living just 5 blocks away from my house the kids and I see her at least 3 days a week between shopping, going out for lunch, and swimming. We do a lot with my mom.
My dad: Even though I was closer with my mom growing up that doesn't mean my dad wasn't an awesome father. Because he was. He worked long, hard hours to provide for our family and for that I'll be ever grateful. Time spent with my dad usually involved playing out in the yard, helping do stuff around the house, or watching tv. With 4 children we didn't get a whole lot of one-on-one time... he spent his extra time with my mom (which they needed desparately). I want to say that he was distant, but not in the way one might think. My siblings and I spent most of the day at home with our mother while dad was at work. He would come home, we'd eat dinner, watch a little tv, then it was bedtime. I think thats the typical role a father plays.
When my parents divorced and my mom moved away, however, we spent all our time with our dad. He still works long, hard hours, but now our extra time was spent with just him. We would go window shopping at the mall or Target, or watch movies curled up on the couch. We all became pretty close with my dad during this time. We were all each other had, and he needed us especially.
Our relationship changed when my mom came back, naturally. Now I had both parents to divide my time between, and with them both remarried it became kind of hard. All of that is behind us now as both my parents are happily divorced from their 2nd spouses and with people that truly seem to care about them. My relationship with my dad is now very similar to the one I have with my mom. We talk just about every day and see each other 2-3 times a week.
Growing up (for all parties) has really benefited all of us, and I'm so grateful we can be adults and put the past behind us.
Oh jeez.
To make things easier I won't go into a whole lot of detail because then we'd be here all day and I have stuff to do. Here we go...
My mom: I've always been relatively close with both of my parents, but growing up I was closer with my mom. I think that attributes to the fact that for most of my life she was a stay-at-home mom and the parent I spent the most time around. Growing up she was an amazing mom. We always had clean clothes to wear, homemade dinner every night, and all the love we could want.
The line shifted, though, the summer I turned 14. To make a long story short my parents separated that summer, and the time my mom spent over at the house she spent sleeping the day away. My parents eventually worked things out, but the summer I turned 19 she moved to Michigan and my parents ended their marriage of almost 20 years. I didn't talk to her for a year. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child and due in August, she made sure to move back to Kansas before I had the baby. Since she has moved back our relationship has grown leaps and bounds. Even though we have a painful past she has asked for forgiveness and I have chosen to forgive her. That doesn't mean what she did didn't hurt me or my siblings, but she has been making up for lost time, and she knows how bad she hurt us. She doesn't try to cover it up, and even though it might be painful to bring up and talk about, we do. We can now look back and realize that they weren't her greatest moments, but the moments we have with her now are helping to heal our wounds.
I talk to my mom just about every day. If I have a question about something she's usually the first person I call to ask, and I value her opinion greatly. With her living just 5 blocks away from my house the kids and I see her at least 3 days a week between shopping, going out for lunch, and swimming. We do a lot with my mom.
My dad: Even though I was closer with my mom growing up that doesn't mean my dad wasn't an awesome father. Because he was. He worked long, hard hours to provide for our family and for that I'll be ever grateful. Time spent with my dad usually involved playing out in the yard, helping do stuff around the house, or watching tv. With 4 children we didn't get a whole lot of one-on-one time... he spent his extra time with my mom (which they needed desparately). I want to say that he was distant, but not in the way one might think. My siblings and I spent most of the day at home with our mother while dad was at work. He would come home, we'd eat dinner, watch a little tv, then it was bedtime. I think thats the typical role a father plays.
When my parents divorced and my mom moved away, however, we spent all our time with our dad. He still works long, hard hours, but now our extra time was spent with just him. We would go window shopping at the mall or Target, or watch movies curled up on the couch. We all became pretty close with my dad during this time. We were all each other had, and he needed us especially.
Our relationship changed when my mom came back, naturally. Now I had both parents to divide my time between, and with them both remarried it became kind of hard. All of that is behind us now as both my parents are happily divorced from their 2nd spouses and with people that truly seem to care about them. My relationship with my dad is now very similar to the one I have with my mom. We talk just about every day and see each other 2-3 times a week.
Growing up (for all parties) has really benefited all of us, and I'm so grateful we can be adults and put the past behind us.
June 5, 2012
30 Things: #2
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
#1 I'm terrified of falling. Not heights mind you... It doesn't freak me out to be up high. Rather it's the can't-breathe-stomach-in-knots feeling that is associated with the sensation of falling. To accurately describe this feeling: you're riding a rollercoaster and the cars have just left the loading and unloading dock. The train of cars is steadily climbing in elevation until it finally reaches the summit. There's a slight pause when all of a sudden the train goes down the other side of the monstrous hill. You know when your stomach somehow ends up in your throat and you find yourself not able to breathe? Bingo. I can't honestly say when my fear of this feeling manifested itself. What's weird is I love to ride rollercoasters, flying doesn't freak me out, and being in the mountains doesn't faze me. But whenever I'm in a situation like that I can't help but think of the consequences of being up so high.
#2 I fear death. To the point that if I dwell on it too long I will have an anxiety attack. This fear has turned more into a phobia ever since I had children, and ever since experiencing the death of my grandpa and great grandpa in 2006. I love living my life and I love my children and husband with ever fiber of my being, it unnerves me to no end to think I won't always be around. To cease existing gets to me.
#3 I think I have a fish phobia. What's that called? (please hold while I Google my strangest fear...) Ideophobia. Even though it's my strangest fear I'd consider it my worst fear. I can't look at a fish tank, or walk by the fish in a pet store, without wanting to puke. It's horrible. I have NO idea why I'm so terrified of fish. I like to eat fish. I can handle watching one being cleaned after being caught, I love fishing. Maybe the answer will present itself in the future.
#1 I'm terrified of falling. Not heights mind you... It doesn't freak me out to be up high. Rather it's the can't-breathe-stomach-in-knots feeling that is associated with the sensation of falling. To accurately describe this feeling: you're riding a rollercoaster and the cars have just left the loading and unloading dock. The train of cars is steadily climbing in elevation until it finally reaches the summit. There's a slight pause when all of a sudden the train goes down the other side of the monstrous hill. You know when your stomach somehow ends up in your throat and you find yourself not able to breathe? Bingo. I can't honestly say when my fear of this feeling manifested itself. What's weird is I love to ride rollercoasters, flying doesn't freak me out, and being in the mountains doesn't faze me. But whenever I'm in a situation like that I can't help but think of the consequences of being up so high.
#2 I fear death. To the point that if I dwell on it too long I will have an anxiety attack. This fear has turned more into a phobia ever since I had children, and ever since experiencing the death of my grandpa and great grandpa in 2006. I love living my life and I love my children and husband with ever fiber of my being, it unnerves me to no end to think I won't always be around. To cease existing gets to me.
#3 I think I have a fish phobia. What's that called? (please hold while I Google my strangest fear...) Ideophobia. Even though it's my strangest fear I'd consider it my worst fear. I can't look at a fish tank, or walk by the fish in a pet store, without wanting to puke. It's horrible. I have NO idea why I'm so terrified of fish. I like to eat fish. I can handle watching one being cleaned after being caught, I love fishing. Maybe the answer will present itself in the future.
30 Things: #1
I came across this awesome blog entry via Pinterest with a list of 30 questions to ask your significant other on date nights. I thought the questions would make excellent blog entries. So here we go...
Number one!
List 20 random facts about yourself.
#1: I'm obsessed with nail polish. It's seriously a problem.
#2: I used to not like chocolate, but now I can't get enough. It all started when I had kids.
#3: I love Coca-Cola way too much for my own good.
#4: I have naturally curly hair, but with each of my 2 pregnancies my hair has lost some of its curl. It's a hormone thing.
#5: Both of my kids went a day after they were born before we decided on names. The pressure of the lady who fills out the birth certificate and social security form really helped.
#6: I grew up in the Assembly of God church, but now I'm practically a Catholic.
#7: Because of genetics I am prone to ingrown toenails. Both my dad and uncle have had to have surgery on their feet because of them. I'm hoping I don't follow in their footsteps.
#8: I have scoliosis in my back.
#9: I have costochondritis. Flare-ups can be debilitating.
#10: I have a Bachelors degree and don't use it. The stupid thing cost me thousands of dollars.
#11: I have a huge desire to go back to school to get my Masters or another degree entirely.
#12: I am a classically trained singer, but I haven't sung a note of an aria in over 4 years.
#13: I drive a mini-van and I absolutely love it.
#14: My grandma is one of 13 children, and I can name every single one of my family members on that side. There's almost 150 of us.
#15: I have an uncanny memory when it comes to people's names. I get offended when someone doesn't remember my name, but I remember theirs.
#16: I LOVE the Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond. If it weren't against God's rules I'd worship the ground she walks on.
#17. I really hope I win one of the Pioneer Woman's giveaways on her website. Just once.
#18: My nickname in highschool was Malibu. It derives from Mal and my last name Bohne.
#19: I'm going to be an aunt for the first time this October. I'm insanely excited about my niece!
#20: I was 20 years old when I had my first baby and almost 25 when I had my second.
Number one!
List 20 random facts about yourself.
#1: I'm obsessed with nail polish. It's seriously a problem.
#2: I used to not like chocolate, but now I can't get enough. It all started when I had kids.
#3: I love Coca-Cola way too much for my own good.
#4: I have naturally curly hair, but with each of my 2 pregnancies my hair has lost some of its curl. It's a hormone thing.
#5: Both of my kids went a day after they were born before we decided on names. The pressure of the lady who fills out the birth certificate and social security form really helped.
#6: I grew up in the Assembly of God church, but now I'm practically a Catholic.
#7: Because of genetics I am prone to ingrown toenails. Both my dad and uncle have had to have surgery on their feet because of them. I'm hoping I don't follow in their footsteps.
#8: I have scoliosis in my back.
#9: I have costochondritis. Flare-ups can be debilitating.
#10: I have a Bachelors degree and don't use it. The stupid thing cost me thousands of dollars.
#11: I have a huge desire to go back to school to get my Masters or another degree entirely.
#12: I am a classically trained singer, but I haven't sung a note of an aria in over 4 years.
#13: I drive a mini-van and I absolutely love it.
#14: My grandma is one of 13 children, and I can name every single one of my family members on that side. There's almost 150 of us.
#15: I have an uncanny memory when it comes to people's names. I get offended when someone doesn't remember my name, but I remember theirs.
#16: I LOVE the Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond. If it weren't against God's rules I'd worship the ground she walks on.
#17. I really hope I win one of the Pioneer Woman's giveaways on her website. Just once.
#18: My nickname in highschool was Malibu. It derives from Mal and my last name Bohne.
#19: I'm going to be an aunt for the first time this October. I'm insanely excited about my niece!
#20: I was 20 years old when I had my first baby and almost 25 when I had my second.
New Beginning
I am absolutely horrible at updating this blog. I think many reasons account to this, but the main one would have to be time. I come up with some really neat things I want to write about, but I can never dedicate the time to sit down at the computer and just type. It doesn't help that I don't have a working laptop *ahem* and our only working computer is a gigantic desktop in the basement. "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
I came over to my moms today because I promised Claire we would go swimming. Pulling into her driveway I thought, "Oh hey! Nick and Jazz have a laptop... I wonder if they'd let me use if for a while." I'm now sitting outside watching Claire swim and typing away. This is definitely the life.
When I logged onto the blogger website to update this thing I noticed that they have a mobile app. Considering I'm high tech now I downloaded the app on my iPhone. Maybe now I can blog whenever inspiration strikes.
I came over to my moms today because I promised Claire we would go swimming. Pulling into her driveway I thought, "Oh hey! Nick and Jazz have a laptop... I wonder if they'd let me use if for a while." I'm now sitting outside watching Claire swim and typing away. This is definitely the life.
When I logged onto the blogger website to update this thing I noticed that they have a mobile app. Considering I'm high tech now I downloaded the app on my iPhone. Maybe now I can blog whenever inspiration strikes.
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