30 Things: #3

Describe your relationship with your parents.


Oh jeez.

To make things easier I won't go into a whole lot of detail because then we'd be here all day and I have stuff to do. Here we go...

My mom: I've always been relatively close with both of my parents, but growing up I was closer with my mom. I think that attributes to the fact that for most of my life she was a stay-at-home mom and the parent I spent the most time around. Growing up she was an amazing mom. We always had clean clothes to wear, homemade dinner every night, and all the love we could want.

The line shifted, though, the summer I turned 14. To make a long story short my parents separated that summer, and the time my mom spent over at the house she spent sleeping the day away. My parents eventually worked things out, but the summer I turned 19 she moved to Michigan and my parents ended their marriage of almost 20 years. I didn't talk to her for a year. When I found out I was pregnant with my first child and due in August, she made sure to move back to Kansas before I had the baby. Since she has moved back our relationship has grown leaps and bounds. Even though we have a painful past she has asked for forgiveness and I have chosen to forgive her. That doesn't mean what she did didn't hurt me or my siblings, but she has been making up for lost time, and she knows how bad she hurt us. She doesn't try to cover it up, and even though it might be painful to bring up and talk about, we do. We can now look back and realize that they weren't her greatest moments, but the moments we have with her now are helping to heal our wounds.

I talk to my mom just about every day. If I have a question about something she's usually the first person I call to ask, and I value her opinion greatly. With her living just 5 blocks away from my house the kids and I see her at least 3 days a week between shopping, going out for lunch, and swimming. We do a lot with my mom.


My dad: Even though I was closer with my mom growing up that doesn't mean my dad wasn't an awesome father. Because he was. He worked long, hard hours to provide for our family and for that I'll be ever grateful. Time spent with my dad usually involved playing out in the yard, helping do stuff around the house, or watching tv. With 4 children we didn't get a whole lot of one-on-one time... he spent his extra time with my mom (which they needed desparately). I want to say that he was distant, but not in the way one might think. My siblings and I spent most of the day at home with our mother while dad was at work. He would come home, we'd eat dinner, watch a little tv, then it was bedtime. I think thats the typical role a father plays.

When my parents divorced and my mom moved away, however, we spent all our time with our dad. He still works long, hard hours, but now our extra time was spent with just him. We would go window shopping at the mall or Target, or watch movies curled up on the couch. We all became pretty close with my dad during this time. We were all each other had, and he needed us especially.

Our relationship changed when my mom came back, naturally. Now I had both parents to divide my time between, and with them both remarried it became kind of hard. All of that is behind us now as both my parents are happily divorced from their 2nd spouses and with people that truly seem to care about them. My relationship with my dad is now very similar to the one I have with my mom. We talk just about every day and see each other 2-3 times a week.

Growing up (for all parties) has really benefited all of us, and I'm so grateful we can be adults and put the past behind us.